I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
