Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize