it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm too high and old for this...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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