God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
