I'm drive I can fine osifer
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
