also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
