is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
