my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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