I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
