i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have post one night stand depression
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