Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
