She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
