My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
