My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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