I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
