I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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