I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
