We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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