Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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