I want to have your abortion
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
