just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
