hell yes lets make some ravioli
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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