We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
