I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
