Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
whose parrot is this?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
