if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
