Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
