i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
