I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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