I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
