I feel like abortions should bother me more
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
