The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
