he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
