every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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