Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
