she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
