somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
