He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
