i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
