Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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