I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
