Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
