what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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