so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
