i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
