Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
