My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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