This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
