So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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