ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
