Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
